The Girl Of Make Believe.. Very real

My beautiful red haired angel. (not actual pic...obviously, but I wanted a reference to her vibrant head doo lol)

There's a Girl.. Well she's not just a girl. She's my girl. The craziest thing is i've known her for ages. But its only recently that I realised just how much she actually means to me.

I think everything happens for a reason and all the bad stuff that has hapend to me did so that we could be toghether. It was worth it!

I remember the first time she told me she liked me. My heart sank and my joy was as obvious as a candle in the dark.

I used to lie in my bed alone and think about her being in my arms. (It seemed so unrealistic to me).

And now... She is lying in my arms at night. Sometimes I just lie next to her and touch her arm just to make sure its real. I've never been more comfortable than when she hugs me. When I look into her eyes I know she cares just as much as I do which helps me get up in the morning :).

Shes complicated and sarcastic but I would'nt have it any other way. I can be insecure and sometimes I may doubt what she sees in me but when she says those three words to me everything else just blows away.

I'd do anything to make her happy and I hope my stupidity and love for her will.

I'll never let anything come between us and you'll always be my girl.. i love u x

Later :]

Rollercoaster Mind

This life is so short. And the biggest problem I think.....?
Everyone overthinks things. Those who don't probably should because they make stupid decisions.
How do we win?
How do we know the specific amount of thinking that is required?
The short answer...We don't. No one is perfect. No one can make the right decisions all the time.
As for me.. I overthink. Even when its not really required.

Ok especially when its not required. But only because I have more time to think about it.
I have an example...
Think about someone that you care about very much. Someone that you may even love.
Think about if that person was un happy. That automatically makes you un happy right?
Now, you know whats bothering them... kinda, however. You don't know how to make them feel any better.
Thus... a Rollercoaster of overthinking will ensue.
Maybe I'ts really your fault (Very rare) but you may think it for a short time anyway.. Human nature i guess.
Anyway my ultimate point to this blog is that everything happens for a reason. No matter what it is. I keep trying to tell myself that when i'm overthinking. which is alot :p..............

Later :]

I Just Can't Get It Right!

I've always had a pretty intense imagination. I guess thats why I enjoy writing. However I'm also in some way a perfectionist and am never satisfied with anything I do.

At the moment I have this small writing project so to speak that I'm having real trouble getting on with.

Its mainly been written on impulse which I find is were my best ideads are found.

But now I have the dreaded Writer's block. I feel stupid in a way just for saying that because I don't see myself as a writer.

All the same I guess it's the technical term for the problem I seem to be having.

See... I have this idead and its amazing (as far as i'm concerned lol) but I feel like without an amazing ending it will never really mean anything to me.

So now I'm torn between scrapping it and loosing this idea forever or giving it an ending that I know I won't be satisfied with.

I hate decisions.....Grr

Later :]

Sometimes I just wanna go...

These pictures are all of Vermont, Canada. Thats where I'm headed.... one day.

I've wanted to move to Canada for a very long time now. Some days more than others i think about nothing else. I've never been a huge fan of this country (UK) and I would much rather have a family in a different place.

However, life does'nt always work out exactly like you want it to. I have a boy now and his mother and I are seperated.

So as much as I wan't to go There now. I could never leave him and miss him growing up. Plus when he's 18 I'll try and convince him to come with me lol.

Ofcourse I cant go alone. I want to take Someone that I can happily spend the reast of my life with. As long as their willing to wait 15 years.... I have someone in mind. She want to go too and shes very special to me. I cant think of anyone else i'd rather go with :).

Later :]

I want.........Buzz and Spiderman

I thought It would be cool if harry did a list for santa today but apparently this was unnecessary as he already knew exactly what his heart desired.... A Buzz Lightyear action Figure and a Spiderman costume (but he wont wear the mask lol).

Easy enough but then I realised that I was actually quite disappointed because I wanted to reminisce about when I used to do them as a kid. Just another reason why being an adult is not cool i guess :p.

Oh well, all I want for Christmas is a slip that says 2010 is going to be your best year yet. Hope thats not too much to ask........

Later :]

Coulda Woulda Shoulda...

I’m wondering at the moment that if all the decisions we make in our lives could be reversed or flipped, would we take it. I mean leap into the unknown. People say that if you think about the decisions you’ve made in your past to much then you’re not happy with the way things turned out. I don’t really think of it that way. More of a curiosity really... I don’t regret the past I just ponder what my life would be like now. I can’t think of a more difficult decision to make than having the opportunity to take different paths of your past. Even if your life seems hard in the present. I already know that I would be too sceptical to change anything. Which is ridiculous because I think about it quite often. I’m not unhappy just over think things too much sometimes I guess. Well thats my mind poured onto a page for now.

Later :]

My hyper active inspiration

This is my four year old son. Very, very cool kid. Always has something to say and always want to play on the xbox (yeah at four). Even I was'nt gaming that early but its all good. He loves most things nerdy and gets exited at the thought of Marvel characters and and running round with plastic swords wrapped in foam insulation... This child cannot be denied as my own :).

As amazing as being a parent is, its that time again that all parents dread at some point. Christmas.... I thought it would be smooth sailing until he was at least 10 lol. Apparently not. The hardest part I think is getting them enough but at the same time not too much. I always got what I asked for as a kid at christmas but I was also made to appreciate it because I was'nt overwhelmed with stuff. Thats how I want it to be for him. Unfortunatly I am still a massive kid at heart and there's alot of cool toys now :p. I guess we'll just have to see what happens. I think i need someone to make sure I don't go to unnecessary levels of presents. (But he's worth it)

Later :]

5FDP.... Not a joke

Tonight i witnessed Five finger death punch really rocking the F**K out at the Manchester academy (with my lovely lady friend :p). I think I was respectable in standing at the back in a calm manner as i watched moody and troubled teenagers beat the crap out of each other no more than 20 feet away. And aside from poor support acts and cringe worthy rockers that looked like they should have been at a PINK concert, all went well :). I got to see one of my favourite bands, I got a really cool tee but more importantly i got to spend some quality time with someone who makes me happy. I win!

(P.s I stole this pic from Sarah but i took it so its fair lol)

Later :]

first impression?.....does'nt make a great deal of sense

Hey. Well i guess this is my new home. I have to be honest and say I don't really know what to expect from this, plus i'm still a little un sure why i'm doing it but what the hell! Whats life without little spontaneous actions every now and then. Christ you'd think i was going sky diving or something. Anyway, I'm a dude, guy, bloke, chap. I like many many things, none of which are incredibly interesting lol. But i guess you'll find that out anyway..... if you want.



later :]